A warm welcome to Spirit's website.

We hope that the information here may help you if you're considering personal therapy, a broad co-dependency treatment programme or desire help with the issues you face in your life.

Spirit aims to offer a safe, therapeutic and empowering environment where clients can explore and understand themselves in their lives.

Ultimately the aim of therapy is for clients to develop and put into practice more functional and fulfilling ways of being with themselves and others.

The program we offer is designed to support, nurture and encourage this process through information, education, intervention and therapy.

The programme can be tailored to individual need and is formulated co-operatively with the client. It can consist of personal therapy, group therapy and an element of written work. At Spirit we use many different proven ways of working with people which focus on all parts and aspects of peoples lives.

Spirit aims to offer a programme based on client need and can be tailored to fit into peoples lives and work with their committments e.g work, childcare e.t.c. Why not get in touch and see what we can offer you?

What is Codependency?

CoDependence is an emotional, psychological and behavioural pattern of coping that is born out of the rules of a family and/or environment. It is a dysfunctional pattern of living and problem solving, which is nurtured by a set of rules within the family system and/or environment. The rules prevent the open expression of feelings and the direct discussion of personal and inter personal problems.

How do I identify if I am Co-Dependent?

Here is a list of common Co-Dependant Characteristics:

LOW SELF-WORTH
ANGER
DENIAL
REPRESSION
OBSESSION
CONTROLLING
MISCELLANEOUS
PROGRESSIVE

LOW SELF-WORTH

Codependents tend to;

• come from troubled, repressed or dysfunctional families
  
• deny their family was troubled, repressed or dysfunctional
  
• blame themselves for everything
  
• pick on themselves for everything, including the way they think, feel, look, act and behave
  
• get angry, defensive, self-righteous and indignant when others blame and criticise the codependents - something the codependents regularly do to themselves
  
• reject compliments or praise
  
• get depressed from lack of compliments or praise (stroke deprivation)
  
• feel different from the rest of the world
  
• think they are not quite good enough
  
• feel guilty about spending money on themselves or doing unnecessary things or fun things for themselves
  
• fear rejection
  
• take things personally
  
• have been victims of sexual, physical or emotional abuse, neglect, abandonment or alcoholism
  
• feel like victims
  
• tell themselves that they can't do anything right
  
• be afraid of making mistakes
  
• wonder why they have a tough time making decisions
  
• expect themselves to do everything perfectly
  
• wonder why they can't get anything done to their satisfaction
  
• have a lot of 'shoulds'
  
• feel a lot of guilt
  
• feel ashamed of who they are
  
• think their lives aren't worth living
  
• try to help other people live their lives instead
  
• get artificial feelings of self worth from helping others
  
• get strong feelings of low self worth - embarrassment, failure etc - from other people's failures and problems
  
• wish good things would happen to them
  
• believe good things will never happen
  
• believe they don't deserve good things and happiness
  
• wish other people would like and love them
  
• believe other people couldn't possibly like and love them
  
• try to prove they are good enough for other people
  
• settle for being needed

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ANGER

Many codependents;

• feel very scared, hurt and angry
  
• live with people who are very scared, hurt and angry
  
• are afraid of their own anger
  
• are frightened of other people's anger
  
• think people will go away if anger enters the picture
  
• think other people make them feel angry
  
• are afraid to make other people feel anger
  
• feel controlled by other people's anger
  
• repress their angry feelings
  
• cry a lot, get depressed, overeat, get sick, do mean and nasty things to get even, act hostile or have violent temper outbursts
  
• punish other people for making the codependents angry
  
• have been shamed for feeling angry
  
• feel increasing amounts of anger, resentment and bitterness
  
• feel safer with their anger than with hurt feelings
  
• wonder if they'll ever not be angry

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DENIAL

Codependents tend to;

• ignore problems or pretend they aren't happening
  
• pretend circumstances aren't as bad as they are
  
• tell themselves things will be better tomorrow
  
• stay busy so that they don't have to think about things
  
• get confused
  
• get depressed or sick
  
• go to doctors and get tranquilizers
  
• become workaholics
  
• spend money compulsively
  
• overeat
  
• pretend those things aren't happening either
  
• watch problems get worse and worse
  
• believe lies
  
• lie to themselves
  
• wonder why they feel like they're going crazy

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REPRESSION

Many codependents;

• push their thoughts and feelings out of their awareness because of fear and guilt
  
• become afraid to let themselves be who they are
  
• appear rigid and controlled

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OBSESSION

Codependents tend to;

• feel terribly anxious about problems and people
  
• think and talk a lot about other people
  
• lose sleep over problems or other people's behaviour
  
• worry
  
• never find answers
  
• check on people
  
• try to catch other people in acts of misbehaviour
  
• feel unable to quit talking, thinking and worrying about other people or problems
  
• abandon their routine because they are so upset about somebody or something
  
• focus all their energy on other people and problems
  
• wonder why they never have any energy
  
• wonder why they can't get things done

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CONTROLLING

Many codependents;

• have lived through events and with people that were out of control, causing the codependents sorrow and disappointment
  
• become afraid to let other people be who they are and allow events to happen naturally
  
• don't see or deal with their loss of control
  
• think they know best how things should turn out and how people should behave
  
• try to control events and people through helplessness, guilt, coercion, threats, advice-giving, manipulation or domination
  
• eventually fail in their efforts or provoke people's anger
  
• get frustrated and angry
  
• feel controlled by events and people

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MISCELLANEOUS

Codependents tend to;

• be extremely responsible
  
• be extremely irresponsible
  
• become martyrs, sacrificing their happiness and that of others for causes that don't require sacrifice
  
• find it difficult to feel close to people
  
• find it difficult to have fun and be spontaneous
  
• have an overall passive response to codependency - crying, hurt, helplessness
  
• have an overall aggressive response to codependency - violence, anger, dominance
  
• combine passive and aggressive responses
  
• vacillate in decisions and emotions
  
• laugh when they feel like crying
  
• stay loyal to their compulsions and people even when it hurts
  
• be ashamed about family, personal, or relationship problems
  
• be confused about the nature of the problem
  
• cover up, lie, and protect the problem
  
• not seek help because they tell themselves the problem isn't bad enough or they aren't important enough
  
• wonder why the problem doesn't go away

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PROGRESSIVE

In the latter stages of codependency, codependents may;

• feel lethargic
  
• feel depressed
  
• become withdrawn and isolated
  
• experience a complete loss of daily routine and structure
  
• abuse and neglect their children and other responsibilities
  
• feel hopeless
  
• begin to plan their escape from a relationship they feel trapped in
  
• think about suicide
  
• become violent
  
• become seriously emotionally, mentally, or physically ill
  
• experience an eating disorder (over or undereating)
  
• become addicted to alcohol and other drugs

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