Spirit Co-Dependency Treatment

What is Co-Dependency?

CoDependence is an emotional, psychological and behavioural pattern of coping that is born out of the rules of a family and/or environment. It is a dysfunctional pattern of living and problem solving, which is nurtured by a set of rules within the family system and/or environment. The rules prevent the open expression of feelings and the direct discussion of personal and inter personal problems.

How do I identify if I am Co-Dependent?

Here is a list of common Co-Dependant Characteristics:

LOW SELF-WORTH
ANGER
DENIAL
REPRESSION
OBSESSION
CONTROLLING
MISCELLANEOUS
PROGRESSIVE


LOW SELF-WORTH

Codependents tend to;
  • come from troubled, repressed or dysfunctional families
  • deny their family was troubled, repressed or dysfunctional
  • blame themselves for everything
  • pick on themselves for everything, including the way they think, feel, look, act and behave
  • get angry, defensive, self-righteous and indignant when others blame and criticise the codependents - something the codependents regularly do to themselves
  • reject compliments or praise
  • get depressed from lack of compliments or praise (stroke deprivation)
  • feel different from the rest of the world
  • think they are not quite good enough
  • feel guilty about spending money on themselves or doing unnecessary things or fun things for themselves
  • fear rejection
  • take things personally
  • have been victims of sexual, physical or emotional abuse, neglect, abandonment or alcoholism
  • feel like victims
  • tell themselves that they can't do anything right
  • be afraid of making mistakes
  • wonder why they have a tough time making decisions
  • expect themselves to do everything perfectly
  • wonder why they can't get anything done to their satisfaction
  • have a lot of 'shoulds'
  • feel a lot of guilt
  • feel ashamed of who they are
  • think their lives aren't worth living
  • try to help other people live their lives instead
  • get artificial feelings of self worth from helping others
  • get strong feelings of low self worth - embarrassment, failure etc - from other people's failures and problems
  • wish good things would happen to them
  • believe good things will never happen
  • believe they don't deserve good things and happiness
  • wish other people would like and love them
  • believe other people couldn't possibly like and love them
  • try to prove they are good enough for other people
  • settle for being needed
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ANGER

Many codependents;
  • feel very scared, hurt and angry
  • live with people who are very scared, hurt and angry
  • are afraid of their own anger
  • are frightened of other people's anger
  • think people will go away if anger enters the picture
  • think other people make them feel angry
  • are afraid to make other people feel anger
  • feel controlled by other people's anger
  • repress their angry feelings
  • cry a lot, get depressed, overeat, get sick, do mean and nasty things to get even, act hostile or have violent temper outbursts
  • punish other people for making the codependents angry
  • have been shamed for feeling angry
  • feel increasing amounts of anger, resentment and bitterness
  • feel safer with their anger than with hurt feelings
  • wonder if they'll ever not be angry
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DENIAL

Codependents tend to;
  • ignore problems or pretend they aren't happening
  • pretend circumstances aren't as bad as they are
  • tell themselves things will be better tomorrow
  • stay busy so that they don't have to think about things
  • get confused
  • get depressed or sick
  • go to doctors and get tranquilizers
  • become workaholics
  • spend money compulsively
  • overeat
  • pretend those things aren't happening either
  • watch problems get worse and worse
  • believe lies
  • lie to themselves
  • wonder why they feel like they're going crazy
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REPRESSION

Many codependents;
  • push their thoughts and feelings out of their awareness because of fear and guilt
  • become afraid to let themselves be who they are
  • appear rigid and controlled
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OBSESSION

Codependents tend to;
  • feel terribly anxious about problems and people
  • think and talk a lot about other people
  • lose sleep over problems or other people's behaviour
  • worry
  • never find answers
  • check on people
  • try to catch other people in acts of misbehaviour
  • feel unable to quit talking, thinking and worrying about other people or problems
  • abandon their routine because they are so upset about somebody or something
  • focus all their energy on other people and problems
  • wonder why they never have any energy
  • wonder why they can't get things done
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CONTROLLING

Many codependents;
  • have lived through events and with people that were out of control, causing the codependents sorrow and disappointment
  • become afraid to let other people be who they are and allow events to happen naturally
  • don't see or deal with their loss of control
  • think they know best how things should turn out and how people should behave
  • try to control events and people through helplessness, guilt, coercion, threats, advice-giving, manipulation or domination
  • eventually fail in their efforts or provoke people's anger
  • get frustrated and angry
  • feel controlled by events and people
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MISCELLANEOUS

Codependents tend to;
  • be extremely responsible
  • be extremely irresponsible
  • become martyrs, sacrificing their happiness and that of others for causes that don't require sacrifice
  • find it difficult to feel close to people
  • find it difficult to have fun and be spontaneous
  • have an overall passive response to codependency - crying, hurt, helplessness
  • have an overall aggressive response to codependency - violence, anger, dominance
  • combine passive and aggressive responses
  • vacillate in decisions and emotions
  • laugh when they feel like crying
  • stay loyal to their compulsions and people even when it hurts
  • be ashamed about family, personal, or relationship problems
  • be confused about the nature of the problem
  • cover up, lie, and protect the problem
  • not seek help because they tell themselves the problem isn't bad enough or they aren't important enough
  • wonder why the problem doesn't go away
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PROGRESSIVE

In the latter stages of codependency, codependents may;
  • feel lethargic
  • feel depressed
  • become withdrawn and isolated
  • experience a complete loss of daily routine and structure
  • abuse and neglect their children and other responsibilities
  • feel hopeless
  • begin to plan their escape from a relationship they feel trapped in
  • think about suicide
  • become violent
  • become seriously emotionally, mentally, or physically ill
  • experience an eating disorder (over or undereating)
  • become addicted to alcohol and other drugs
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